Jack Off Testo

Testo Jack Off

It's a Friday night, and I ain't got no ass
No car, no brew, no get high stash
I done watched every movie in the house
And my Blockbuster bill is like eighty bucks, so that plan's out
I done went through the phone book from front to back
From new hoes to three year ago old school rats
And I'm banned from all the clubs cuz I don't tip the door niggas
Look like, you eatin' three-hundred pound, six four niggas
Plus, I don't wear suits to boogie in
I wear dope dealer shits that I can get some pussy in
My niggas is down to ride, but I'm tired of seein' them
Swear I need me a muthafuckin' real girlfriend
But that's out of the question, cuz I treat 'em like shit
Take they cash, take they car, make 'em fuck the whole clique
Damn! I realized I'm just burnin' my bridges
And my dick feelin' good rubbin' up against my britches

[Chorus x2: Clee]
Have you ever had a day you had nothin' you need?
No ass, no cash, no drank, and no weed?
And all the hoes you could've fucked you told to back off?
It's lookin' like to me it's time to jack off

Now that I done let one go, I'm thinkin' "Say now"
I can cope with my life bein' dull, boring, and plain now
But lately, I find myself beatin' more often
If every nut was year off my life, for me it's coffins
If it's true what they say, I'm goin' blind right now
My palms is growin' hair, I'm thinkin' porn right now
If it was a whole band here, I'd be a horn right now
If it's a party over there, I'd be scorin' right now

See I'm alone in my room, and I'm about to jack off
Imaginin' a bad bitch givin' me some good balls
See at the present time, I ain't got no ass
Wanna get high first, but I got no weed, no hash
Strolled to the ATM and said "I'm out of cash!"
Then on the way home, I ran out of gas
Now I gotta walk 12 blocks, plus it's hot
And to make it even worse, a nigga dick on rock


Finally get back to the house in a broken sweat
Turn on the TV, everything provokin' sex
I can't believe today, can't believe my luck
Can't believe I can't find one hoe to fuck!
Can't believe I left the house and got stuck
Can't believe I can't afford a tow truck
And you know what? Waitin' for a bitch I'm goin' loco
Don't even know if one comin', I only got a hopeful
Time to go ahead and put my first plan in motion
Go and get my tie, go and get my lotion
Turn on the porn tape, then I get to strokin'
Wish I was the cat, that this bitch was deep throatin'

[sound of a lotion dispenser, and groaning]

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