Testi Soundtracks :: F

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Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum (A) - Bring Me My Bride

[SOLDIERS]

One, two! One, two!



[MILES]

We not only fought, but we won, too!



[SOLDIERS]

One, two! One, two!

Left, right! Left, right!



[MILES]

There's none of the enemy left, right?



[SOLDIERS]

Right! Left...right...right? Left?



[MILES]

Halt!



[PSEUDOLUS]

Hail, Miles Gloriosus.

Welcome to Rome.

Your bride awaits you.



[MILES]

My bride...

My bride!

My bride!

I've come to claim my bride,

Come tenderly to crush her against my side.

Let haste be made!

I cannot be delayed:

There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade.



[SOLDIERS]

Look at those arms!

Look at that chest!

Look at them!



[MILES]

Not to mention the rest.

Even I am impressed!

My bride!

My bride!

Come, bring to me my bride.

My lust for her no longer can be denied.

Convey the news!

I have no time to lose:

There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse.



[SOLDIERS]

Look at that foot!

Look at that heel!

Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!



[MILES]

I am my ideal!

I, Miles Gloriosus,

I, slaughterer of thousands,

I, oppressor of the meek,

Subduer of the weak,

Degrader of the Greek,

Destroyer of the Turk,

Must hurry back to work.



[MILES & ROMANS:]

I/he, Miles Gloriosus,



[SOLDIERS]

A man among men!



[MILES & ROMANS:]

I/he, paragon of virtue,



[SOLDIERS]

With sword and with pen!



[MILES]

I, in war the most admired,

In wit the most inspired,

In love the most desired,

In dress the best displayed--

I am a parade!



[SOLDIERS]

Look at those eyes, cunning and keen,

Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!



[PSEUDOLUS]

Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen!

I mean...



[MILES]

My bride!

My bride!

Inform my lucky bride:

The fabled arms of

Miles are open wide.

Make haste!

Make haste!

I have no time to waste:

There are shrines

I should be sacking,

Ribs I should be cracking,

Eyes to gouge and booty to divide.

Bring me my bride!