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Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum (A) - Everybody Ought To Have A Maid

[SENEX]

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Everybody ought to have a working girl,

Everybody ought to have a lurking girl

To putter around the house.

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Everybody ought to have a menial

Consistantly congenial

And quieter than a mouse.

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,

Tidying up the dishes,

Neat as a pin.

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,

Sweeping out,

Sleeping in.



Everybody ought to have a maid,

Someone who you hire when you're short of help

To offer you the sort of help

You never get from a spouse:

Fluttering up the stairway,

Shuttering up the windows,

Cluttering up the bedroom,

Buttering up the master,

Puttering all around the house!

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,

Tidying up the dishes,

Neat as a pin.

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,

Sweeping out,

Sleeping in.



Everybody ought to have a maid,

Someone who in fetching you your slipper will

Be winsome as a whipporwill

And graceful as a grouse:

Skittering down the hallway,

Flittering through the parlor,

Tittering in the pantry,

Littering up the bedroom--



[SENEX & PSEUDOLUS]

Twittering all around the house!



[HYSTERIUM]

A maid?



[SENEX]

A maid.



[PSEUDOLUS]

A maid.



[ALL]

A maid!

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Everybody ought to have a serving-girl,

A loyal and unswerving girl,

To putter around the house.

Oh, oh,



[HYSTERIUM]

Think of her at the dustbin,

'Specially when she's just been

Traipsing about.



[ALL]

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,



[HYSTERIUM]

Living in,



[SENEX]

Giving out.



[ALL]

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Daintily collecting bits of paper n' strings,

Appealing in her apron strings

And graceful as a grouse.



[HYSTERIUM]

Pattering through the attic,



[SENEX]

Chattering in the cellar,



[PSEUDOLUS]

Clattering in the kitchen,



[SENEX]

Flattering in the bedroom,



[ALL]

Puttering all around the house!

The house!

The house!



[LYCUS]

A maid?



[HYSTERIUM]

A maid.



[PSEUDOLUS]

A maid.



[SENEX]

A maid!



[ALL]

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Someone who's efficient and reliable,

Obedient and pliable,

And quieter than a mouse!

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be so nimble,

Fiddling with her thimble,

Mending her gown.

Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,



[LYCUS]

Cleaning up,



[SENEX]

Leaning down.



[ALL]

Everybody ought to have a maid,

Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee

And even if you grumble, be

As graceful as a grouse.



[LYCUS]

Wriggling in the anteroom,



[HYSTERIUM]

Jiggling in the dining room,



[PSEUDOLUS]

Giggling in the living room,



[SENEX]

Wiggling in the other rooms,



[ALL]

Puttering all around the house!

The house!

The house!

The house!