Testi Soundtracks :: I

Well, I've walked down the aisle

As much as Liz Taylor

But I've always stood off to the side

Each bride has me dressed

In a gown I detest

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.



For Caitlin, I wore satin

Which I looked really fat in.

Then again, you should have seen her man Ken;

All those calories he logged up

Til his arteries clogged up

He died on the couch watching ESPN.

Too many weddings, too many dresses

That all make my hips look so wide.

Not a gown I'd reuse

Ditto the matching shoes;

Always a bridesmaid

Never a bride.



For Tabitha, I wore taffetta

You should never people laugh at ya

But I had a hunch her marriage was doomed.

The groom tried to stroke me

While we danced the Hokey Pokey

They divorced before the honeymoon.



Once my gown was velourish

Made me look kind of whorish

But my best friend Delores

Was never quite same

She shot her new mister

Cuz he bedded her sister

He's not dead, but now he walks like John Wayne.

Too many weddings, too many dresses,

That all make my hips look so wide

My friends can't assess

A man or a dress

Always a bridesmaid

Never a bride.



When I look in my closet,

There's a rainbow deposit

Of gowns so grotesque that I groan

All those husbands are gone,

But those dresses live on,

Even moths seem to leave them alone.

Too many weddings, too many messes

But at least I've hung on to my pride.

I've lived life alone, but the terms are my own.

Always a bridesmaid, (thank you Lord!)

Never a bride!