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Little Night Music (A) - You Must Meet My Wife

[FREDRIK]



She lightens my sadness,

She livens my days,

She bursts with a kind of madness

My well-ordered ways.

My happiest mistake, the ache of my life:

You must meet my wife.

She bubbles with pleasure,

She glows with surprise,

Disrupts my accustomed leisure

And ruffles my ties.

I don't know even now quite how it began.

You must meet my wife, my Anne.

One thousand whims to which I give in,

Since her smallest tear turns me ashen.

I never dreamed that I could live in

So completely demented, contented a fashion.

So sunlike, so winning,

So unlike a wife.

I do think that I'm beginning

To show signs of life.

Don't ask me how at my age one still can grow--

If you met my wife, you'd know.



[DESIREE (speaking):]



Dear Fredrik,

I'm just longing to meet her.

Sometime.



[FREDRIK]



She sparkles...



[DESIREE]



How pleasant.



[FREDRIK]



She twinkles...



[DESIREE]



How nice.



[FREDRIK]



Her youth is a sort of present--



[DESIREE]



Whatever the price.



[FREDRIK]



The incandescent--what?--the--



[DESIREE (offering a cigarette):]



Light?



[FREDRIK]



--of my life.

You must meet my wife.



[DESIREE]



Yes, I must. I really must.

Now--



[FREDRIK]



She flutters.



[DESIREE]



How charming.



[FREDRIK]



She twitters.



[DESIREE]



My word!



[FREDRIK]



She floats.



[DESIREE]



Isn't that alarming?

What is she, a bird?



[FREDRIK]



She makes me feel I'm--what?--



[DESIREE]



A very old man.



[FREDRIK]



Yes--no!



[DESIREE]



No?



[FREDRIK]



But--



[DESIREE]



I must meet your Gertrude.



[FREDRIK]



My Anne.



[DESIREE]



Sorry--Anne.



[FREDRIK]



She loves my voice, my walk, my mustache,

The cigar, in fact, that I'm smoking.

She'll watch me puff until it's just ash,

Then she'll save the cigar butt.



[DESIREE]



Bizarre, but

You're joking.



[FREDRIK]



She dotes on--



[DESIREE]



Your dimple.



[FREDRIK]



My snoring.



[DESIREE]



How dear.



[FREDRIK]



The point is, she's really simple.



[DESIREE]



Yes, that much seems clear.



[FREDRIK]



She gives me funny names--



[DESIREE]



Like?



[FREDRIK]



"Old Dry-as-Dust."



[DESIREE]



Wouldn't she just?



[FREDRIK]



You must meet my wife.



[DESIREE]



Yes, I must, yes, I must.



[FREDRIK]



A sea of whims that I submerge in,

Yet so loveable in repentance.

Unfortunately still a virgin,

But you can't force a flower--



[DESIREE]



Don't finish that sentence!

She's monstrous!



[FREDRIK]



She's frightened.



[DESIREE]



Unfeeling!



[FREDRIK]



Unversed.

She'd strike you as unenlightened--



[DESIREE]



No, I'd strike her first.



[FREDRIK]



Her reticence, her apprehension--



[DESIREE]



Her crust!



[FREDRIK]



No!



[DESIREE]



Yes!



[FREDRIK]



No!



[DESIREE]



Fredrik!



[FREDRIK]



You must meet my wife.



[DESIREE]



Let me get my hat and my knife!



[FREDRIK]



What was that?



[DESIREE]



I must meet your wife.



[FREDRIK AND DESIREE]



Yes, you must.

Yes, I must.