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Lucky Stiff - Rita's Confession

Rita: Vinnie, you're my brother.

I'm in a little trouble and I didn't know where else to go

Listen to this obituary I just found in the Atlantic City paper

Vinnie: You're holding it upside-down put on your glasses.

R: Oh! Heh heh... ok 'British shoe salesman inherits 6 million dollars

From casino manager uncle.

V: I don't get it

R: Let me start at the beginning.



I was having an affair

V: an affair?

R: an affair, and my lover's name was Tony

V: Tony?

R: Hamden

He managed my husband's casino, he wore a tux

I went crazy for the guy, which is why

V: which is why...?

R: I embezzled from my husband

V: Not your husband

R: We stole from my husband's casino

Six million bucks!

V: no...

R: and all in rocks!

Six million bucks in diamonds in a heart shaped box



Now I've gotta go to Monte Carlo

I've gotta find this man

He inherited the money

I embezzled from my husband

For my lover, who I accidentally shot

V: What!?!



R: Well I went to Tony's place

V: Tony's place?

R: It was dawn. And I saw a woman leaving

V: woman?

R: Leaving. I knew that my Tony was in there

Well I saw red

And the room was very dark

V: Very dark

R: Very dark and I didn't have my glasses

V: What no glasses?

R: And there in the dark accidentally I shot him dead

They found his will

He left his English nephew my entire six mil.



Now I've got to go to Monte Carlo

I've got to find this man

V: He inherited the money

R: I embezzled from my husband

V: For the guy you accidentally shot at dawn



R: and you've got to go to Monte Carlo

V: Me?

R: Just as fast as you can

V: Why?

R: Cause I accidentally mentioned it was you who took the money

When my husband accidentally found it gone

What could I say?

V: What did you say? What did you say?

R: What could I do?

V: What did you do? What did you do?

R: The money was gone, and Nicky caught on so I blamed it

V: No...

R: On you

I said you lost it gambling... I was desperate.

It just came out of my mouth, you know, spontaneously

And now. Well, I think Nicky has a- a contract on your life



V: I've got to go to Monte Carlo. I've got to find this man

I could end up in the river with a bullet in my liver

Or piano wire wrapped around my neck

R: Check

Both: We've got to go to Monte Carlo just as fast as we can

And find this man