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Seussical - Biggest Blame Fool

SOUR KANGAROO

Humpf! ... Humpfed a voice.

'Twas a sour kangaroo,

And the young kangaroo in her pouch said:



YOUNG KANGAROO

"Humpf"



SOUR KANGAROO

Too!



SOUR KANGAROO

Why that speck is as small as the head of a pin.

A person on that? Why there never has been!

(She laughs derisively)

You're the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool

And I don't care who I tell. The biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool,



YOUNG KANGAROO

And I think so as well!



SOUR KANGAROO

Maybe I'm nasty, maybe I'm cruel

But you're the biggest blame fool



YOUNG KANGAROO

In the Jungle of Nool.



HORTON

It's true. Please believe me! I tell you sincerely

My ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly

I know there's a person down there. And what's more,

Quite likely there's two.

Even three.

Even four!



(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS enter - a trio of monkeys up to mischief)



WICKERSHAM #2

Ha! Laughed a voice!



WICKERSHAM #1,3

Ha! Laughed some others!



WICKERSHAMS

Ha! Ha! Ha! Laughed the Wickersham brothers!



(They dance with glee.)



Oh, he's the biggest blame fool

In the Jungle of Nool

And monkeys like us should know.



SOUR KANGAROO

No, no, no, no!



WICKERSHAMS

We've been out on a limb

Lookin' down on him-



WICKERSHAM #1

And he's fat!



WICKERSHAM #2

He's dumb!



WICKERSHAM #3

He's slow!



SOUR KANGAROO

Uh huh!



SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS

Elephants ain't too swift as a rule

But he's the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool.

'Cause he's talkin' to a speck - talkin' to a speck -

To a speck of dust



WICKERSHAM #3

Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool



WICKERSHAMS & BIRD GIRLS & SOUR KANGAROO

Talkin' to a speck

Talkin' to a speck -

To a speck of dust!



WICKERSHAM #3

Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool



SOUR KANGAROO

R-e-s-p-e-c-k!

Oh, please! Take that speck away!



ALL

Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?



BIRD GIRLS

Through the jungle, the news quickly flew.



ALL

Did you hear? Did you hear?

Did you, did you hear?



BIRD GIRLS

He talks to a dust speck!

It's on Channel Two!



(THE BOY instantly envisions the whole scene on TV.

THE CAT IN THE HAT now plays a TALK SHOW HOST of the "sympathetic" variety,

a la Sally Jesse Raphael, microphone in hand.)



CAT (as TALK SHOW HOST)

Our topic today is "Psychic elephants who hear voices.'

Whaddaya think, folks...

Is the elephant off his trunk?

We'll he right back with "speck", "clover", "dust", "neighbor", 'who'....



(CAT holds the microphone to the clover for a beat)



Nothing! Stay tuned - we'll be right back!



(The CAT now interviews GERTRUDE MCFUZZ, a plain bird with a one-feather tail)



ALL

Biggest blame fool

In the Jungle of Nool



GERTRUDE

I'm Gertrude McFuzz, and I live right next door.

He's never done anything crazy before.



ALL

Biggest blame fool

In the Jungle of Nool



GERTRUDE

He's always been friendly and loyal and kind.

I just don't believe Horton's out of his mind!



ALL

Did you hear? Did you hear?

Did you, did you hear?



(The glamorous and flamboyant MAYZIE LA BIRD is now interviewed)



MAYZIE

I'm Mayzie La Bird

And I live in that tree.



ALL

Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?



MAYZIE

Enough about Horton. Let's talk about me!



MAYZIE, BIRD GIRLS

Let's talk about, talk about,

Talk about, talk about...

Me!



ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)

Talkin' to a speck

Talkin' to a speck

To a speck of dust



WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO

Blame fool in the Just a fool, just a fool

Jungle of Nool Just a fool



ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)

Talkin' to a speck

Talkin' to a speck

To a speck of dust



WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO

Blame fool in the Fool!

Jungle of Nool



HORTON

I just have to save them, because after all

A person's a person no matter how small.



HORTON & GERTRUDE

A person's a person no matter how...



(Their intimate moment is interrupted by the others)



ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)

Biggest blame fool

In the Jungle of Nool

He's the worst we ever saw!



BIRD GIRLS

Tellin' lies, makin' jokes



WICKERSHAMS

It's an elephant hoax!



YERTLE THE TURTLE, WICKERSHAMS, BIRD GIRLS

Brother, that's against the law!



SOUR KANGAROO, BIRD GIRLS, WICKS, YERTLE, MAYZIE

Breakin' the peace, creatin' a fuss!



SOUR KANGAROO

Somebody's thinkin' different than us!



ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)

Biggest blame fool

In the Jungle of





ALL SOUR KANGAROO

Nool, Nool, Nool! (riffs)

In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!

In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!



(The CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE begin to exit.)



CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE

Who who wah dah

Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3

Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,

Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton

Who who Better look out

Who wah dah dah dah

Who who wah dah WICKERSHAM #1

Who who Or someone's gonna get

Who wah dah dah dah Your clover!

Who who wah dah

Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3

Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,

Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton,

Who who Better look out,

Better look out!



(GERTRUDE remains behind for one moment, looking at HORTON longingly.)



GERTRUDE

On the fifteenth of May, Miss Gertrude McFuzz

Discovered how truly unique Horton Was.

But she knew to approach him

Would probably fail,

'Cause who'd notice a bird

With a one feather tail?



(GERTRUDE exits dejectedly. HORTON is alone with the speck. He listens closely.)



MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)

Help! Help!



CAT

Then the voice came again.

Calling over and over...



MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)

Help! Help!



CAT

So he tried to think

Who might be down on that clover.



HORTON

Hello? Is anyone there?



(MR. and MRS. MAYOR are revealed.)



Who are you?