Testi Soundtracks :: D

LAWRENCE

You see, my dear-



Every royal family, by its nature,

Has a sort of price that it must pay.

Every noble lineage has

One loose gene-

Small as a molecule,

Flitting 'round the family pool.

It's the sort of thing

One sees in Appalachia



Or in the odd inbred bichon frise.

It really can be such a

Nasty stain on the escutcheon

When a wisp of DNA

Begins to fray, then goes astray.

Caligula had the tempre,

The Hapburgs had the chin.

George the Third went cuckoo-bird

And Nero had that violin-



Richard, you'll remember,

Had the himp and

The withered limb.



The Bushes of Tex

Were nervous wrecks

Because their son was dim,

But look what happened to him.

Alas, our family also

Carries a bit of a curse

But darling, it could be

A great deal worse.



Thus ends the verse.



Ruprecht's all about

Sun and soda-pop,

Paws on puppy-dogs, candy-canes,

Ruprecht's all about

Chocolate bunnies and

Lazy afternoons and daisy-chains.



With a little brother like this

You can't help but have

A happy home.

With style upon grace

And a smile upon his face

And all that's missing is a

chromosome.

But Ruprecht's all about

Hugs and Valentines

That's why people all say

Hey Ruprecht-

You're really okay!



Isn't he adorable?



Ruprecht's all about hugs and

valentines-



RUPREHT

-Milkshake enemas-



LAWRENCE

-Fun and play.

Ruprecht's all about-



RUPRECHT

-Burmese belly-rubs,

Fresh-shaved testicles

On Christmas day.



LAWRENCE

With a smile that's a mile and a half

And a laugh and a hearty

'Howdja do?



RUPRECHT

Howdja do!



LAWRENCE

It's a cinch that we will be

A happy family,

One plus one plus one-



RUPRECHT

-Makes two!



Ruprecht's crazy 'bout taxidermy

And KY Jelly on a rubber glove!



LAWRENCE

So give him a chance or three,

Let him get to know you

And you'll agree

That Ruprecht's...

All about love.



Who's the happy chappy with the

ulcerated ear?



JOLENE

Ruprecht?



LAWRENCE

Who stays awake all night

hollering out with fear?



JOLENE

Ruprecht?



LAWRENCE

Who likes to spend every

Saturday at the abattoir?

Who gets the cattle-prod if he tries

to hump the samovar?

Who likes to save up all his farts

in a Mason jar?'



You guessed it-



LAWRENCE/FREDDY/ENSEMBLE

It's Ruprecht,

My buddy Ruprecht-



LAWRENCE

I like him-



LAWRENCE/FREDDY/ENSEMBLE

Ruprecht-



LAWRENCE

And that's about all.